Six signs psychotherapy is calling you

I have problems - but everyone has problems too, don’t they? I feel stressed - but maybe I can just watch TV and I’ll feel better soon. 

When do we decide that everyday problems or stresses are big enough to seek psychotherapy?

There is a belief that we only seek therapy when we are mentally ill. The truth is, therapists often do not treat “mental illnesses”. What they are really treating is a coping mechanism that was once adaptive in someone’s life.

Imagine someone who is shouted at everyday in childhood. They may develop strategies to avoid being shouted at. For some, this may look like becoming defensive, yelling back, and eventually, developing anger management issues.

Or, they might become a perfectionist to prevent flaws that could result in them being shouted at. Later on, they may develop anxiety issues as they strive for perfection all the time.

They may avoid being around people to reduce the risk of being shouted at, and later develop low self-esteem and depression.

We can label these anger issues, anxiety and depression as mental illnesses, but really they are the result of coping mechanisms to deal with the original trauma - being shouted at. 

There is no shame in seeking therapy. Therapy is for people who are ready to explore and heal coping mechanisms that no longer serve them. They are powerful explorers who are ready to embrace life to the fullest.

Here are 6 signs that psychotherapy is calling for you:

Physical symptoms that keep returning

Headaches, digestive issues, skin issues, sleeping problems, chronic fatigue are common physical health issues. 

If you find yourself constantly seeing doctors for health issues but they never truly go away, there can be a chance that the issues are psychosomatic. Your body is speaking to you - letting you know that your mind isn’t at peace - asking you to bring something into awareness.

You’re stressed

Stress and discomfort is a subjective experience. 

You might be stressed about something others don’t feel stressed about - like using public transport, or saying hello to someone in public. 

You’re struggling to function

Mental health concerns affect many areas of functioning, from social, to emotional, behavioural and cognitive. 

For example, if you are experiencing sleep problems, it can affect your relationship with your spouse who is sleeping next to you. 

Emotionally, you might have an ill-temper due to lack of sleep. 

Behaviourally, it makes you drink a lot more coffee and constantly check your alarm clock.

Cognitively, it makes you think negatively.

If you’re noticing many areas of your functioning affected by mental health issues, or the problems associated, it may be time to seek help.

Your brain knows what’s best for you, but you can’t follow through

You are well aware that this is not the job for you, that exercising and spending time with loved ones is the right thing to do. 

However, you struggle to make change and you feel stuck in a loop.

You’re aware of your patterns

You observe a pattern of who you are in family, workplace, friendship, and romantic life.

You find a consistency of “who you are” in your life. For example, you are a giving mother who takes care of everything in the family, a devoting colleague at work, a sacrificing partner in your love life, and a caring friend. 

In all aspects, you are pouring yourself into others, and it feels like there is no shelter in the storm when you are stressed, feeling lonely, or low.

Self-help books, horoscopes and fortune tellers don’t hold the answers you’re looking for

You tell yourself the things that happen to you are fate. You’ve tried crystals. You’ve read self-help books and autobiographies. But they don’t have the answers.

You’re still curious about yourself. You still feel hungry for more knowledge about who you are and how life is unfolding for you. 

Therapy is a journey of self-exploration that may be an answer to this curiosity.

Our basic needs as children 

We all have basic needs when we are children:

We may understand that our caregivers in childhood were human and that they may have tried their best, but still, we had needs that were unmet. 

Later in life, we may strive to meet these unmet needs. For example, a person who never got validation from their parents will strive to get validation from their work achievements. They may end up feeling very stressed out and anxious about their career. 

A person who never felt love and care from their parents may seek that feeling of warmth by taking substances, like alcohol or drugs. 

Rather than labeling these unmet needs as an anxiety disorder or drug addiction (the pathological lens), we can see that we are just humans coping with unmet needs. 

It’s not the person who is the issue - it’s the coping mechanism that is causing issues for the person.

The safe and trusting relationship between the therapist and the client heals old wounds in early childhood relationships that could be unconscious to us. Therapy isn’t for “the weak and the ill”. Therapy is for people who have the bravery to look at generations of pain and say: this stops with me.

If you read this far, perhaps there is a “self” who is waiting for you to reach them.